Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
