So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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