I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
