i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He better not be in your backpack
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
