he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
