why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
