The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
