Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I could fuck to npr.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
