I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
