where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize