Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize