just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
