When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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