Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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