bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
