I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize