I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
