Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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