Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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