Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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