the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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