these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
