go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
