Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
