my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are the jesus of drinking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
