your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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