i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
