I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My first STD was from a foam party
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sobbing to NWA
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
