The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
