ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was like eating out sand paper
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
