I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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