Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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