This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
