lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
