all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
