Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
