Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
