I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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