I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
