i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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