I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
