I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
