Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I forget how to act sober
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