I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
