im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
