Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
