I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are two peas in an std pod
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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