we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
