its not stalking. its research.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
