You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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