Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
