This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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