i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
