Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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