it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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