bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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