Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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