I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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