I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize