I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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