I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
