i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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