...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
