that's an acceptable place to lick
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize