you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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