i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
