I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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