I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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