I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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