So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize