Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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