OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
