Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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