after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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