I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize